I have been lucky in life, to have worked alongside, befriend and trained with people that have done extraordinary things, where courage has been central to their accomplishments. From elite boxers, Olympians, covert operators, deep sea divers and fighter pilots. All are ordinary people, doing extraordinary things. The difference between them and others is they have the self-awareness and motivation to push through. They use courage as means to change the narrative and stop fear in its tracks.
Courage is a word that demands attention. The iconic “courage-less” lion in the Wizard of Oz demonstrates this perfectly. In the absence of having courage, he could barely utter the word. Subtly, indicating, you can’t be something, you can’t communicate, and vice versa. His enduring image is of uncertainty, and cowardly. Courage has a type, there is a sense of strength, determination and an unwavering drive to the achievement of a goal no matter how close or far it may seem.
Like many things in life, courage sits on a continuum, fear resides at the opposing end. Fear is a word that also demands attention but for very different reasons. Its prevalence in our world is menacing. It keeps us stuck, settled, and complacent. Settling for what is good enough rather than what is extraordinary. Extraordinary is hard to achieve, it’s a process. One that requires intention, perseverance, and difficult decisions. This is where courage emerges, it is that which separates those that conquer fear, and those that succumb to it.
But where does courage come from? Are we born courageous, is it neurochemically based, or is it motivationally driven? In my experience it’s a mixture of these things but the latter is nearly always the deciding factor, irrespective of your neurochemical make up. There is a saying I have always found to be true “when the pain of staying the same hurts more than the pain of change, that is when change happens.” I believe that is when courage emerges. If the desire, need or pain is strong enough courage can be found.
The crossroad between fear and courage
My most profound realisations commonly arise from my most mundane moments. When I was a kid, I was afraid of everything. I once slept in my closet for a month, after watching half a horror film about werewolves. Everything scared me. There is a well-known amusement park, close to where I grew up. It was known for its harrowing rides and towering roller coasters. I routinely avoided these steal bending, death contraptions. I’d stand in line for hours, only to step over the ride and make a break for the exit. This served me well until my early teens, when peer pressure began to creep in. On one summers day, I found myself amongst peers that didn’t share my fears. In fact, if they got a whiff of my reticence, enduring ridicule was expected. To avoid this, I reluctantly, buckled myself into a roller coaster boasting a 200-foot drop, 80 mile per hour speeds, and several inversions. Not exactly how I wanted to ease my way into overcoming my fear. My legs dangling above the platform, the brace tightly squeezed against my chest, a simple tug on the seat belt to ensure I was safe, a thumbs up from the operator and up the 200-foot assent we went.
The ticking of the coaster in my ear acted as a constant reminder of the decision I made, and the inability to reverse it. Trapped with nowhere to go, I had a choice. I could embrace the fear and double down, or I could let go. The coaster now hovering at the top, the pause before the storm, I let go. A decision today I am glad I made, because it was exhilarating. The second the air hit my face, the speed pushing me back in my seat, the surge of adrenaline; I didn’t fear this, I loved this. I learned three invaluable life lessons that day:
1. Never underestimates the power of what other people think holds over you
2. Fear is irrational and an inhibitor to happiness and joy.
3. Often what we are afraid of, isn’t real.
My courageous decision wasn’t succumbing to peer pressure but letting go. It’s an example I revisit, when I find myself in a state of fear, even 30 years on. I left the amusement park that day a changed person. Fear never had a grip on me, in the same manner again.
What is Courage?
Courage undoubtedly is a skill, and one that can be built overtime. Like many things, it’s a choice we make. In the example I provided, I summons the courage to let go, even when everything told me to grip tighter. Courage comes down to a choice, and the sole liberator of fear. It requires perseverance, resilience, and dedication. These are all things that reside in all of us and can be developed overtime.
How do you cultivate and build courage?
I have had the pleasure of associating with people that undoubtedly embody courage. People that have had to summons courage to engage in their hobbies, careers, and passion from fighter pilots, Special Operations, Intelligence operatives, Olympians, professional musicians, and even a man with cerebral palsy refusing to succumb to a limited life and medical diagnoses. Each unique but all demonstrate the same four traits, as it pertains to cultivating courage. Here are the four things I have gleaned from their experiences.
1. Get out of your head. The brain is a powerful tool. It’s designed to keep you alive and functioning. Without prompting it’s not designed to keep you thriving. Thriving is a learned behaviour, not a natural setting. Knowing your hardwiring, biases, self-limiting beliefs and where it helps and hinders you, is half the battle.
2. Just do it: There is a reason Nike chose this as their motto. Sometimes in life, you just need to take the plunge. Overthinking won’t result in progress, it will only result in sleepless nights, and the manufacturing of unnecessary obstacles.
3. Self-Reflection, Observe the feedback loop my roller coast example works well here. I could just have shucked it off, as an experience but I didn’t. The experience was so profound, it forced me to reflect on my belief systems. If I was afraid of something, I actually love than what else in my life was I unnecessarily afraid of? If it true for me, then it’s true for others.
4. Get up and do it again: Use it or lose it. Unfortunately, many things in life are like this. Having the courage to do something one day, doesn’t mean that courage will be enduring. It requires constant reinforcement, and practice to become second nature.
I don’t believe courage is something we are gifted with, it’s something we develop, learn and re-enforce over time. Courage comes from within. To cultivate more of it requires self-awareness and the motivation to take action.
Comments